DAN’S STORY

There is often a lot of stigma around the idea that men shouldn’t be emotional and it’s natural to compare yourself to other dads, especially when you’re new to parenthood.

However, not enough is spoken about how hard it can be for Dads and it’s important to recognise that men can and do experience strong emotions. 

I expected everything to come naturally at first and for a short while it did. But when my relationship ripped apart with my daughter just two years old, I thought that was it and I would never be able to pick up the pieces again as a single father. I found co-parenting hard and it beat me up every time I had to hand my daughter back to her Mum and ‘new Dad’.

Then I met the love of my life and after a long period of me grappling with my emotions, we found out we would be expecting a little boy. Finally, the chance to be a ‘perfect Dad’, but what even is that?

After a traumatic third trimester and eventful labour my partner’s mental health deteriorated and after supporting her through a difficult perinatal period, I was also left in a dark and lonely place.

Before my incredible little boy turned three it became apparent that he may have SEN needs and would require additional support. As it became clearer with every milestone he reached, we welcomed into the world the final piece of our family jigsaw with the arrival of our baby girl, and following another troubling perinatal period my partner was also diagnosed with SEN needs.

As our family grew, I would often place unrealistic pressure on myself, and this only intensified with two close family members needing additional support. I felt like a failure every day when things didn’t go smoothly.

As my mental health declined, so did my physical health, and both deeply affected various relationships. Communication became trickier due to anxiety and regular panic attacks and the stresses piled up. I felt alone and I didn’t know where to turn for help.

I hit rock bottom in 2024, and I am fortunate that I have found the support to guide me through. But it was a battle. Not enough is spoken about how hard it can be for Dads, and more so when SEN is involved, and society must recognise the mental health difficulties both parents face and ensure there is support available for fathers.  

Anxiety has been a hugely unwanted feature in my life, and I hope that through the Raising Dad podcast and hub, I can spread awareness for other dads who have similar struggles.

The biggest takeaway from my experience; you can be a tired dad and a stressed dad and that doesn’t make you a bad dad. Being a good dad requires learning, effort and the ability to ask for help, and being a present dad is what really counts.